Third Eyes Wide
A focus on the Unification of Humanity
Shining a bright light on all the Love and Hope that is all around you. Energy flows where attention goes! So let us attempt to remain focused on all that is good in this world while still walking the balance of this duality and better understand how to navigate this field. A talk about the roller coaster ride that is the journey of perfecting ourselves so that we can do our part in bringing heaven to earth.
World Peace and Love baby! Lets Get it done!
Third Eyes Wide
Creating Yourself with Sam Bitner
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You are the simply greatest project you will ever work on. Sam joins me once again to talk about the process of changing things you don't like and creating yourself in terms of physically, mentally and spiritually. Restart, Reset, Refocus, as man times as you need. Don't give up! The best version of you is yet to come.
Hey, Namaste, motherfuckers. Thank you so much for joining me here on Third Eyes Wide. I am joined today by my good friend Sam once again. So today we're gonna be just starting out talking about personal growth. And considering we have a hard time staying on subject, we'll see where we end up going. But let's go.
SPEAKER_02I think this episode is just gonna be called Go with the Flow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Part one.
SPEAKER_00I mean, that's a good lesson in life.
SPEAKER_02Thank you for having me again. I enjoyed the last time, and uh I I've been enjoying watching your your journey slowly unfold. Um a lot of people when they a lot of people have access to technology and the ability to, you know, camera, microphone, you know, that doesn't mean they're gonna have the highest quality, but anybody could make a podcast. Yeah. Um, but what a lot of people don't realize is it takes a lot of effort and you're you're sticking to it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And um I don't know off the top of my head what episode this would be.
SPEAKER_00This would be 10.
SPEAKER_0210. Oh, double digits.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It's interesting because you're going through personal growth from the aspect of doing a podcast and trying to reach as many people as you can. And I think you have a lot of different avenues that you're able to do that, but the more you have, the more people you can potentially reach.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um it's interesting because one thing that I've struggled with is I I mentioned this on the last episode that I was on with you. Was for me, personal training and and working out and things are really important. That's something that I have a lot of passion in. And until very recently, maybe the last year, maybe a little longer than that, have I really been honest with myself that that's kind of my hobby and that's where I'm able to create. It's a space that I can create, and it's you know, movement and learning how to use my body in different ways, right? And so what's interesting is that the workout I do might not work for you, or it might be.
SPEAKER_00I can guarantee it wouldn't work for me.
SPEAKER_02Well, well, it might not work out for anybody because yeah, what I'm doing is I'm creating an experience for myself. And so in the gym, I'm able to continuously create experiences that I enjoy and I'm able to grow off of. And so one thing that I would say to you as you try to push through the rut phase is one, it's not going to be the first or the last, or it might be the first, but it won't be the last. Um, and if you focus on looking at it as art and you're creating pieces of art for yourself, then it'll reach the right people. And even on those those moments or the the time periods where you're in a lull, you'll get through it because you're creating for yourself, which in turn creates for others. And that's something I struggle with because I've never really believed I could create art, but it was because I had this restrictive mindset of what art was. And I think personal growth is another thing that we have this misconception or a very um potentially force-fed idea of this is what personal growth looks like. So if you're not doing that, you're not growing. And the reality is sometimes growth is so tiny and it's so trivial, maybe, that you don't even recognize it until you know hindsight's 2020.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02It could take a lot of teeny tiny little steps before you go, oh, wait a second, I've I've grown.
SPEAKER_00Well, like we're all creating ourselves throughout our life. That's like the biggest creation that we do that we go through, unless you're a woman and you give birth, you know what I mean? But like we're constantly creating ourselves in every moment. We can be whoever we want to be in any moment. We have no, uh what's the old saying? Like, you have no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago. You know?
SPEAKER_02Which sometimes can be heavy for people and sometimes it can be a weight off your shoulders, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh wow, I don't have to you, you know, I I'm one of those people that still overanalyzes a conflict. You know, you I know what that's like. Yeah, you're at work and you know, they it could have went better this way, or I could have done this, or I should have said this, or you know, whatever. And um it I I take those opportunities now to I'll still analyze it, but it's hey, you get a couple of minutes, come to terms with it is what it is, and then it's it's a great opportunity for letting go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um I I do a lot better now than I used to with that. Uh used to, I used to just make myself sick how many times I would go over everything that was said, what I could have said, how it could have gone, blah, blah, blah. I mean, I would think about it for days, weeks, even months. And honestly, still to this day, sometimes like my like some sort of conflict that happened like a few years ago will seep back into my brain and be like, you remember this? No, like, yeah, I should have fucking said that. Fuck. But I fucking didn't, and I'm never gonna get the opportunity to, so why the fuck am I still thinking about it? You know? So I I do a lot better shutting that down now.
SPEAKER_02I I just sometimes have to take it to a point of sometimes life is it feels dark, but when I look at it from a dark comedy perspective, where it's all kind of a joke and it's all gonna end up in this, it's all going somewhere and it's gonna stop or evolve, or you know, a hundred years from now I'm for sure not gonna be here. In a hundred years, people probably won't know my name, totally fine with that. Um, but I always take it down to if I stub my toe, if if I had someone I cared about and they stub their toe, and it's been like two years, and like, oh man, I stubbed my toe, and I'm my whole life, it's just been awful ever since. I I just wish I never stubbed my toe. I'd be like, You stubbed your toe. How do why do you even remember stubbing your toe two years ago? Like too.
SPEAKER_00Right. That's pretty you know, yeah, but even major things that happened to you, you know what I mean? Like you don't need to let it make you a victim for the rest of your life and hold you back for the rest of your life.
SPEAKER_02I have a person that uh is no longer in my life um based off of a choice um that I made a few years back, but sometimes they still pop into my head because there were a lot of things that they feel unresolved, and my brain thinks that they're unresolved from like you should go and say this or you need to do this or that to give yourself closure. Right. But the reality is is I just need to come to terms with it. I need to just process it the way it needs to, you know, I need to address it in a way that allows me to let it go, not in terms of revenge or you know, writing what feels like wronged me. And it's interesting because you know, there's several people, probably in most people's lives, where they can relate to that. And a lot of people, you know, it's always strange around the holidays when people are like, oh, I gotta go hang out with the family, like so-and-so is gonna show up, and they always like flip the the Thanksgiving table. And I'm like, Well, you don't have to do that, you know. But um with these people, I could very easily hold a grudge, I could very easily be plotting revenge, I could be, you know, wasting my energy and time instead of healing, trying to do the negative version of it. But I've even I've worked on gratitude enough, at least a solid five years now, to a point where I can be like, it's unfortunate that you know, I wish you were this in my life, or I wish these things never happened, but they are opportunities that I needed to grow. And so I can when I go into that place of gratitude of hey, I I didn't enjoy that. I don't look back at it as a bright and sunshiny uh um event, but I can also take it for what it's worth and then utilize it, you know.
SPEAKER_00Um I've straight up thanked somebody for the lessons before. I was like, thank you for the lessons, and he was like, Oh shit. I was like, Yeah, fuck you, man. Thanks for course I didn't say fuck you, I just left it at thank you for the lessons. But he knew what the fuck I was saying.
SPEAKER_02Thanks for the memories, man.
SPEAKER_00But straight up, you know, some people are here to unfortunately teach us negative, what seems like negative lessons, although if we do learn our lesson, it can be a positive experience in the end, you know. But the thing is, is once you've learned the lesson, you don't have to keep that person in your life to keep the lesson ongoing. Right. You know, like, oh okay, I get the net, fuck off. You know, like I'm done. We're done. Yeah, this is done.
SPEAKER_02It's finished. Yeah, and sometimes so I've contemplated that before. I struggled for way too long with trying to comprehend why is there bad. And there's many reasons why I've had to think about it, but for a long time what I did in terms of maybe a defense mechanism was my defense mechanism growing up and in my twenties, and maybe I mean still so now I catch myself, is scorched earth. Like let's just burn it to the ground, let's rock it.
SPEAKER_00I have days, I have days like that for sure.
SPEAKER_02And I don't like that because one, I think I'm capable of it, but two, I don't actually think that that's the answer. I know it's a defense mechanism, and it has something to do with uh protecting the inner child, right? When I was a little kid, I didn't have coping mechanism. I mean, even in my 20s, I didn't have proper coping mechanisms. I had to I winged it and I was unaware and it was crazy. Um man, I did it. I just lost my train of thought. It literally just dissolved into nothing. Hold on, it's coming back. Wait for it. Oh, okay. So I I don't want it to be scorched earth, right? I I want to be able to um find a way to learn from it and then find a place of love, right? Um, but what's interesting is that I don't think there can be good without the bad. And so in some cases, even though you want to think you're like I know on movies and stuff it's cool to be the the uh what do they call Deadpool?
SPEAKER_00They always call him Oh like an anti-hero anti-hero, right?
SPEAKER_02Like uh I'm the anti-hero, whatever.
SPEAKER_00It's chaotic neutral.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00If we want to be dungeon and dragon or something, sure, sure.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, uh always.
SPEAKER_00Uh I like chaotic neutrals. I I would o anytime I did play, I always played a chaotic neutral. But in real life, I'm chaotic good.
SPEAKER_02And so that's the thing, though, is in somebody's life you've been the bad guy. Oh, well, and you may have never known that.
SPEAKER_00Well, no, but the thing is, is whenever you're a giving person and you see somebody that's clearly starting to take advantage of your giving, and you decide to stand up for yourself and put an end to it, oh yeah, you're the bad guy. You're the fucking bad guy now. And a lot of people never stop allowing themselves to be taken advantage of because they're too they're afraid of being the bad guy in that person's story. And but at a certain point you have to have enough respect for yourself to say, you know what, think what you fucking want of me, bitch, but I'm done. You know? And it's hard, it can be really hard. And for some people, they're just not even capable of it. They'll give until they have nothing left. And I know people like that, and it's sad to watch it, but I can't fight that fight for them. I can't make them stand up for themselves. It's something they have to do on their own, and they may not do it this lifetime, and I just have to accept that and love them for their sweet, wonderful self and who they are.
SPEAKER_02I haven't and pray for them. I haven't been able to cope with it the way I want to, but I know it, and I've learned the lesson a hundred times. I probably have to learn it a hundred more. Um, you cannot help anyone that isn't helping themselves.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Because it's not you that helps them, it's they are working on themselves and helping, and then that in turn allows them to be open to um seeing seeing examples, or hey, wait a minute, like um, like okay, from the personal trainer aspect, somebody will see, like, oh, hey, like you've been changing your body composition, or your um your chest has gotten bigger. Well, I want to get a bigger chest, and then they're at a place where they're like, okay, well, what do I got to do to do that? And then all of a sudden they're looking at you going, well, maybe maybe they have the answer. So they're open to even asking the question and receiving the answer of, oh wow, you do that with dumbbells, or you do this with barbell. Um, and it's not that it's not that you're going to get the answer from others, it's that they can help you lead yourself to the answer. That's what then and that's something I forget way too often because it's just like creating art. If you're creating art for anyone other than yourself, you're doing it wrong. Can people enjoy it? Absolutely. Can you resist it? Well, hopefully but I would still argue you're doing it for yourself.
SPEAKER_00In a way, but as far as like the artwork itself that I'm producing, it's not for me, and it can feel soul-sucking at times. You know?
SPEAKER_02I mean, the workouts I create for myself are really fun because I'm like, ooh, I get to do this thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I enjoy watching people grow and watching people kind of find themselves in that space, especially if that's something they're genuinely interested in. But yeah, sometimes I'm I'm writing out a workout, and then you know, instead of it being, you know, like you're saying, creating art for yourself, it turns into, am I doing a good job? Is this what they want? Am I happy with this? Does it matter if I'm happy with it? Are they happy with it? Because I don't have to like it if they like it, you know.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to my life.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. But mine's not like permanently on anybody's body, unless they really hurt themselves, I guess. I'm gonna be thinking about some weird stuff tonight. I'm just laying in bed wide awake. Um, okay, so maybe maybe this is art. Um but it it's it's something too where I used to see everything, I wanted to see everything and experience everything in black and white. But there are very definitive lines out there where it can be this or that, but most of it all is it's chaos, it's it's the gray, and so that that's hard for me sometimes to um accept.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I just okay, this is what it is.
SPEAKER_00I mean, life is hard to navigate for everybody. Period. Nobody fucking has it easy.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Everybody has their own trials and tribulations and things we all have to overcome, you know?
SPEAKER_02Not me, my life's perfect.
SPEAKER_00And we get brief this is funny because this is a quote from Deadpool.
SPEAKER_02Oh, perfect.
SPEAKER_00We get brief, fleeting moments where everything is perfect, and we have to hold on to those moments for as long as we can because this they're like he said, they're brief and they're fleeting, and it's gonna it's gonna come crashing down, you know. But you have to be ready for it. And it's funny because we're talking about personal growth, and earlier I was trying to think of what we could talk about, and I thought about you know, this storm that's about to hit and shit, and I thought about you know that old uh I don't know if it's an old saying or if it's just simply a fact that like buffaloes run headfirst into a fucking storm. They're just like fuck it, let's go. You know what I mean? So like the whole herd just runs straight into the fucking storm and straight through it, you know? Whereas like cattle run away from the storm, but they're in it for longer. They're in that fear longer because they're running away from it. Whereas the buffalo just fucking plows through that shit and gets to that greengrass on the other side. So, like, I think I think that's a really good metaphor for life and how we should handle it. The only way out is through. Quit fucking running, just fucking go for it. Quit being a bitch. Do you fancy yourself a bitch?
SPEAKER_02Sometimes.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00I'm just saying, like, people in general, absolutely I don't think anybody on the fucking planet fancies themselves a fucking pussy. So quit fucking being a fucking pussy and fucking man up or woman up, whatever. It doesn't fucking matter.
SPEAKER_02Human up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like just fucking do it, man. Like nobody, you're not you're not escaping anything, it's gonna find you.
SPEAKER_02Uh I forgot who said it to me before, but I've seen things like on the internet. Um, but you have two choices. Um, the first one is you can suffer, and then the second choice is you can suffer.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02And so you have to choose the type of suffering that you want. And you know, I I mean I I can confidently say that there have been times where I went nope, and I tried to do like run away from it, tried to avoid avoid. And um, you know, maybe that's how it was supposed to happen, maybe it wasn't, but it did happen, and it's interesting because I agree. The only way is through, and so when you don't go through it, and let's say you escape it, it comes right back around, it's a whole circle, yeah. Um and so I I do catch myself sometimes having that like fight or flight moment, and I want to flight, and then it's mmm, do you want to just defer dealing with it? That's really all you're doing, you never escape it, right? Because I think we are we are beings that came here um with a purpose, and I'm not afraid to have the conversation if you wanted to about you know free will and maybe fate, but another one of God's many paradoxes. There's a reality to it of we could die at any moment, right? And there are several times in my life, um, some of them are kind of goofy, and others were very much not so goofy, but it's like, why didn't I die? And and the thing is, you don't get the answer. The only thing I think I have found within is that because you're not done yet. And you know, we kind of get conditioned maybe through school and media and you know, whatever, to I'm a nobody, but when you really kind of start understanding the purpose of the ego and the purpose of you know, love and hate and these like emotions, and you start understanding the purpose of the body and utilizing the mind, you realize that we are miracles.
SPEAKER_00People survive unreal situations, and the only answer to that is fate, that you were not done yet.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, like for instance, uh it might seem crazy, but we have uh we have an epidemic where people are sick, and it's because the food and the lack of actual real information, right? We're all being misled, including myself. I mean, I only know what I think I know is the truth. Um, there are certain things that I my intuition will be like, this is in fact truth. Do not let go of this, and right.
SPEAKER_00And at least it's truth for you. It doesn't have to be truth for anybody else. Sure, because I I think we're all pieces of the whole, but there's no nothing is uh this is a quote from my cousin, nothing is universal. So what is truth to you is not truth to somebody else, and that's just as much as that frustrates us and it's hard for us to understand, it's it is what it is.
SPEAKER_02That is the truth. I thought you were gonna say that was a quote from Deadpool, but no, uh uh the great Ryan Reynolds once said, um and so it it's it's so strange to catch myself sometimes thinking, you know, you your ego will get a little inflated, or you know, when I uh people I have friends still, I don't understand why you like working out so much, man. And I'm like, dude, I get high off of endorphins, like high.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And they're like, okay, well, maybe I'm broken. I'm like, you just haven't found how to get to that point, right? Um, but it's something that when you get into that place, I mean, you feel beyond human. Um, and that's where I kind of feel like I'm at, I'm closest to the source, right? And maybe it's all the endorphins and chemicals and whatever in my brain, but I also don't believe that I think for me, I know that all of my inhibitions go away and I'm in my you're in a flow state. I'm in a flow state, I'm in my true self.
SPEAKER_00You're not thinking, and dude, it's your way of turning your brain off. It's your it's it's a way of meditating for you.
SPEAKER_02For sure. Yeah, and it's so crazy because like I I will I work in Dallas, right? But I drive, you know, 45 minutes to I go to gyms out there, I work out there, I work out at at the place I work. And so I'll be like heading back home, and I I mean I can I'm vibing, like the music is right, and my thoughts are great. I'm start getting really creative and I'm just stuck driving, yeah, you know, navigating traffic. And it'll just stop. And it's so weird because I'll be like, dude, when I get home, I'm gonna like pen and paper, like I'm gonna do my thing. I want to type out some stuff to and I'll I'll just be in the middle of that forty five minute drive and then poof, it's gone. All of a sudden it's like, oh, is that like a good idea? idea. Are you really, you know, is this a creative thing that you want? Do you actually feel it, blah, blah, blah. And it's strange because the pen pendulum swings. Yes. And so if it goes one way real far, it's going to go the other way. And that's one thing that I'll have to work on my whole life. I do a lot better, you know, finding neutral quicker and and more reasonably. But um I would have really high highs, you know, let's say I have a phenomenal workout, whatever, and then it would just like plummet and my brain's like, well, what's the point? Like, what do you mean what's the point, man? Like get some rest. Like, you know, whatever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But the swing of the pendulum is talked about um many times throughout my research. And just like you said, if it swings up way high and you're like we know that low is fucking coming next. And you might want to fucking put your big girl breeches on and get ready for it. You know? And uh and also I think that you know Danny is a person whose pendulum swings like very fucking little. And at the same time he sees me over here with my wee and he's like I want to fucking I want that but at the same time he damn sure doesn't want my lows. You know what I mean? And I think that's like humanity. We all want the highs but without the lows and what what a lot of people don't understand is you cannot have one over the other. You have to experience both. And a lot of people are so busy avoiding the storm avoiding the depression avoiding the hurt the anger uh whatever it is that's hiding inside of them that they numb themselves out with medication and they just they flatline that pendulum never swings and while you may not ever experience the lows you're ever you're also never going to experience the highs and if and honestly like what's the point of fucking living? There we go.
SPEAKER_02There it is. I knew I could feel it in my bones. Um and you know I I used to have a I mean I still have some version of an version of admiration for people that are very neutral but I understand that I'm the the duality of that and the more I worked the more I do work because I'm continuing as I go to be authentic to myself which in turn makes me authentic for other people to experience I have a lot less time where I'm like oh I didn't do this I didn't do that because it's like hey I was I was being what I am in that moment there isn't anything I could have done different but what can I learn from it right and I I do I realize that there's a blessing and um a thing to be grateful for of I mean I can have highs that some people may never experience because that's the capacity but I can also handle those lows and you know before I kind of started to wake up and develop an awareness I just thought I was crazy. I probably acted crazy um and yet you know it's starting to kind of make sense and you know I don't I don't know what's gonna I don't know what's gonna happen and I'm not really worried about it anymore because whatever does happen I'm going to experience it and if I died then it was time for me to go.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02And it's funny because I do think about retirement.
SPEAKER_00Retirement is simply we're at the age where we should be thinking about it a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Well what's funny is if you go look into it and stuff they they all say like if you didn't start when you were 21 like it's over you're not gonna have enough time what fucking 21 year old is fucking worried about their retirement for real. I can name like one person but they didn't know what to do with it you know and they're figuring it out as they go. But but you know it's it's also important too that you know I'm saving up for a couple of very large purchases that are very important to me. However if I can't take um if I can't take a person that I'm cultivating a relationship with out on a date and enjoy myself uh and then I die great I saved you know twenty thousand dollars in the bank I died and then somebody used that money to hopefully better their life for a brief period of time like great yeah money is just energy right and you know I think about that where you can you there's duality in everything but it's also it's always flowing and I I think like you said chaos is the right word.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna take this opportunity to segue. Oh all right so talking about money talking about retirement talking about fucking working and shit right um earlier before we actually started recording we were talking about the eclipse and I was kind of rolling my eyes about how everybody's like I'm seeing a lot of posts about this like it's gonna be the end of the fucking world shit you know and I'm like oh man y'all fucking need to calm the fuck down dude how many like fucking Y2K shit y'all need to mellow out alright it's just a fucking eclipse but I think that people unfortunately and whether they realize it or not people are fucking fiending for the end of the world. They want it to happen. And you know why in my opinion is because they're so fucking sick and fucking tired of working. They just want to be done. But let's say they didn't have to work they would be sick and tired of themselves and like the turbulence I think that uh I th okay s say the world stopped say all of a sudden money no longer exists um everything as far as food wise we come together as a community that's not really a worry blah blah blah everything's in a perfect world right perfect world picture it people would sit on their ass for a minute for sure they would get bored for sure and there's a magical thing that happens when people get bored drugs they get creative sure and that's when the passion blooms and that's when people start really going all out on the things they really love and they're really passionate about and then the world will become like such an amazing beautiful place.
SPEAKER_02I don't disagree with you what the point I I guess I was I guess the point that I was going to address is when uh COVID happened I was a personal trainer and so I went to work at like 10 30 at night for this meeting and I was like why are we having a meeting at 10 30 at night like I have to get up in the morning and they're like well great news buddy you don't uh we're closing definitely nobody knows what that means uh into the world maybe whatever and I was uh I was essentially jobless for six months and the thing is is that could have been a really great time I didn't hate the whole experience um however internally I was like fucked up um still very much so and and that's oh yeah dude I I've I've talked to people that were clients of mine and I was like yeah you know it it's crazy to think like how depressed I felt for so long they were like depressed I was like just because I wasn't like you know in my room crying myself to sleep doesn't mean that things didn't need to be worked on and my point is is that it's funny to me because in 2020 I wasn't that messed up in like 2015 the turbulence was way out of control and definitely like fucked up but for me looking at 2020 and like you know being indoors and you're kind of just stuck I didn't really have the option to work out um I could do like little prison workouts at home or whatever but I just stuck to eating ramen I didn't work on any of the the stuff that needed to be worked on. So there wasn't necessarily a creative outlet there wasn't a uh got bored and started to blossom it's I got bored and then I just turned into a black hole I started to like drown in myself and so what would have to happen is they would people would have to address that there would have to be people that lead by example whatever but we could get to a point right I just don't think I I guess I'll just tell you what I I would make up if I had to come up with why do people want to leave so bad. There's two things one it's really uncomfortable here and as we both know there's two options suffering or suffering and one leads to suffering and and getting to a better version of yourself and the other one is suffering and you're deeper into hating yourself. Despair yeah and then people maybe don't want to look at it this way but it's it's really boring here. It's extremely boring here everything turns on top and bored okay well I wish I was bored are you not bored because you're busy or okay so being busy can be boring like like if I just did bicep curls every time I went to the gym even though I'm like I like working out I'd be like okay I'm I'm busy but I'm bored like this is boring this is not uh engaging and a lot of the stuff that we are stuck in is very little spiritual mental engagement we're able to kind of drone around and do the thing and I think the other thing too is including myself there's a lot of romanticizing of what could be right and for me when I started to feel some even thinking about this before I even say it I I feel this weird light kind of wash over me but when I started to realize that the body's gonna die the mind's gonna die and my soul my spirit is going to move forward it's not I don't picture flame I don't picture fire and brimstone or clouds and pearly gates what I picture is it's just gonna be a different frequency of chaos and and something about that makes me feel like a joy not because I'm like oh things are gonna get crazy it's just that this is all it's just a copy of a copy and and so when I get bored there's this like okay what's the point why am I here like can we move on to the next chapter maybe but then I just realize that it's all it's all just doing thing over and over again. Let's say we die tomorrow and it was like hey you've you've awakened and you've uh elevated your vibration your frequency to a certain point let's say you're at level three you're going to level five now it's just gonna be a different version.
SPEAKER_00I disagree. You think it'll just be well I don't know if it would just be bliss there's clearly still going to be challenges but I think as we move up the octaves we move into a higher higher order. And I think that the point of the third dimension in which we're in right now is to experience this chaos is to experience this duality especially um like the black and the white which like we're here to choose in the third dimension we're here to choose which path to take the path of good or the path of evil. Technically according to the mystics it doesn't there's nothing wrong with choosing the negative path. In fact it's a much harder path because you must walk it alone there can be no help from others. But eventually I mean this is just what I hear who knows eventually even the dark path once they get to a point where they can't manipulate anybody else they realize they can't go on anymore without help. And so then they slowly have to turn their vibration back towards love and so eventually it all ends up in the light.
SPEAKER_02And I guess the way my brain tries to comprehend because I I know if God fell from the sky or came from the sky and specifically spoke to me, I wouldn't be able to wrap my head around let's say the sky above us speaking to me. But what I've also learned is that the communication through you know meditation prayer um people that you interact with yourself some of the conversations I've had with myself blew my mind because I'm like is that me what is happening here and I know it's me but there's something speaking through me and speaking through people and source God the universe can come through in all different sort types of ways.
SPEAKER_00Just earlier today we had a good friend over and we were just visiting and uh I might even tear up saying this but out from his mouth came the one fucking thing that I've been struggling with and that I really needed to fucking hear and I know it was God speaking through him to me in that moment.
SPEAKER_02That's dope.
SPEAKER_00I know it was it's like just fucking mellow out dude like I know I don't hey bro yeah hey bro just chill out yeah um it's hard to chill out when you're like me and you're like perfection I must be perfect all the fucking time I will settle for nothing less you know I'm hard on myself it sucks.
SPEAKER_02So but I do it to myself and I know it I in my own version was like that for most of my life I was kind of conditioned that way by the environments that I kind of came up in and put myself into and whatever and I'm in this weird place where I feel like I've let go so much that the false sense of control that I had before is kind of gone. Like I don't really feel like I have any control and I'm just falling. Yeah and I don't mean that in a negative way I don't know if I mean it in a positive way I just it is what it is I'm falling through time. And it got really weird for me because I thought it was like oh COVID and I was in a place for you know six months where like time really didn't matter. I didn't know what day it was it who cares and then I went to work and I still didn't care. I mean I was on time and I had sessions and appointments and whatever but like the care never came back and I was the opposite end of the pendulum especially growing up I grew up around people that was like we got to be on time like so much so that you know if you had an appointment later in the day you would just be kind of anticipating like okay I got to make sure I leave at this time I gotta make sure I'm I need to be like four hours early that's an exaggeration but yeah you know I gotta be early because you never and it's crazy um because I was trying to think there there's a song that um it was a rapper that I I really like one album that he has um but it was essentially the line is you're exactly where you're supposed to be and my brain I mean this was you know again like 2014. I don't know whatever my brain back then was okay yeah based on the choices I made it was like sure but you're exactly where you're supposed to be yeah and okay but you've ever seen Goodwill hunting? No actually I haven't oh man I don't want to like spoil it for you I don't care about spoilers what about what about your listeners do you care about no they don't care. Hey guys uh you should you should just uh fast forward I don't know five minutes so I don't ruin Goodwill hunting for you but there's a scene that uh pop culture is kind of joked about because it was kind of a a big deal whenever the movie came out but Robin Williams is dealing with um like a very intelligent uh character right a like student and he's dealing with a bunch of stuff but blah blah blah blah blah and there's this thing where it was like um he like hugs the guy and he's like you know it's not your fault and he's like oh come on man he's like it's not your fault he's like alright man hey and it's not your fault and he just keeps saying it and the kid like breaks down he's like it's Matt Damon and he's like crying and he's like it's okay and he's like hold him and he's like it's not your fault and like he just it forced him to break and it's so weird because I I look at some of the things where like that's what life will do to you. Hey man it's not your fault you're like okay whatever and it doesn't have to be fault it could just be anything but it'll just keep doing it to you and that's what happened with time. Hey it's not it's not a big deal you're exactly where you're supposed to be and I'm like oh yeah whatever no for real you're exactly where you're supposed to be and I've had some experiences that I've shared with you that I'm not gonna talk about in detail here but they were they were wild because there were multiple times in my life where I was like okay I'm just going to experience this and then that experience because I guess I was even if I was scared I was just open to it you know um and very strange to walk into something intentionally knowing that you can try to navigate it but really you're just experiencing it. And if you let it uh even with some kind of feeling of in intuitive intention you might not be ready for the answer but it's it's definitely you're exactly where you're supposed to be and it's the answer that maybe you need and I think it's super cool that like you had hey man hey just and and what's weird is have you have you ever had a time on the other end where you said something and you could tell that it affected the person you're like oh my gosh like did God just speak through me to a person?
SPEAKER_00No. You know that's happened before though right probably but unless they were like like you're out of denial of that unless they like actually come to me and they're like hey you know which I did actually uh right before my friend left uh I knew he was down there bullshitting with Danny for a little bit longer so I was like I'm just gonna go down and fucking tell him you know I I really needed that.
SPEAKER_02I try to say I love you to people more often and more and more people say I love you back to me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah and it's so beautiful.
SPEAKER_02You know I have a good friend where you know we had met each other we kind of separated paths very shortly and then uh you know we reconnected whenever I got back from the Marines and you know we get we got very close very fast and uh he's like ah you know give me a hug and I'm like oh well and he's like nah give me a hug and he just kind of forced it on me and be like alright and then it was like I'm a fucking Marine bro uh it it was more so like I like did men don't hug i it was like my family didn't do a lot of that okay yeah so it was just weird for sure and uh it's not that I didn't I I'm an extremely physically affectionate person that didn't have any examples of that other than weird television you know yeah well like I grew up in a family where we hugged everyone all the time. Yeah and so it was so weird we don't handshake we hug and I think that's good. I think people should hug each other and hey man um you're eventually just gonna get used to this and then go in for a hug and people are like oh okay and and and dude like what's so funny is there there have been times where you know a lot of commotion's going on but like I won't leave without hugging him and the rest of the family and I hug a lot of my friends and um you know my circle of people that I keep really close to me we hug and there are people that I respect that they that maybe they don't want to do that but you know that's just something I want in my life I want I want to say I love you and I want to hug you and I want to um express myself that way you know and it and it's interesting because people are waking up not everyone's a hugger and not everyone likes to use their words but we find our way to do it you know it takes uh you know it takes somebody breaking down those walls and those barriers for somebody who wasn't raised in an environment like that to be like oh this is okay this is normal and how funny is it is that as a as a person you know I I've seen the darker aspects of myself and I'm I'm grateful for I guess what we would call a shadow self but I've known since I was before I I developed consciousness I knew I was a lover I I was very naive because I just that's what I want to do I want to love people and I allowed myself I had to in some ways develop defense mechanisms to try to protect myself and I went straight for anger that was the the easiest one I think for a lot of us it is yeah I did too and it did I I wholeheartedly believe that making it through the Marine Corps was pure rage. Yeah um and I think it kept me alive um and not just like in you know maybe the stereotypical ways but in ways of keeping my wits about myself or making it through the brainwashing the the emotional aspects of things because I didn't have coping mechanisms. I had no emotional I would imagine it'd be pretty hard to navigate the Marine Corps uh with pure love correct right I mean it's not really that's not really what it's about right no it's it's not um it's a job um and it can be a pretty intense job but you know that was something that people are like so what you know why why'd you join do you because people would be like you joined because 9-11 you know and I was like I'm not gonna lie to you people don't like this answer but I just kind of didn't want to be a homeless bum.
SPEAKER_00Not that I was homeless but a lot of people join because they feel like they have no other option well they don't know what to do with their life.
SPEAKER_02Here's the deal so people would be like okay well you could have literally done anything and you went that route and I willy-nilly walked into a recruiting office had a conversation and then it just I I asked the sky multiple times of like yo am I going in the right direction and the signs that I needed were given to me several times it wasn't just like a dude I gave you your sign like here's your sign right yeah there were several of like okay you keep asking me because you're you know scared or whatever it is but it was like dude look this is a huge commitment you're gonna go through some real shit. You need to go through this. And that was the weird part is things happened during the four years I was in, but it was the after I got out that really fucking changed my life because then I was left with my own devices and okay you need to sort through this. And it took me a very long process of trying to run away from things and they just kept nope. Nope. It just over and over again until I was like okay I'm done. Like alright what is it?
SPEAKER_00And then I do you think what you experienced is similar to what a lot of people experience and why the suicide rate for veterans is so high? That was a heavy question.
SPEAKER_02So the the problem with suicide is all the people in my life that have taken their own life um I can't tell you why they did it. Uh and every single one of them had a very different situation right every single one of us are uh of the same source um but we are experiencing our own experience I don't you know when you have to learn how to grieve a lot of it is is anger right towards the beginning.
SPEAKER_00Yeah there's stages.
SPEAKER_02For sure yeah and you know I always would lean on you know the lack of courage or selfishness or whatever um to try to justify the things that it made me feel but over the years where I've ended up is I'm not here to say if it's right or wrong. I no longer really give a shit if it's right or wrong. I could care less about that. I know where I stand uh no matter how bad I've ever maybe wanted to um take that route I kind of made a sacred pact with someone and we've both upheld our bargain on that and don't plan on breaking it. But one thing that maybe helped me find comfort is that we don't know how we're supposed to leave here. And depending on what you think about free will and choice that could be people's exit.
SPEAKER_00They're done it could be and you know a lot of people um especially like staunch Christians especially um they'll say you know that suicide is always a choice it was never planned but you know there's gotta be sometimes once in a blue moon that it was meant to happen that way. Because of the lessons that people learn after somebody that they love have done it. So the the the way it can turn somebody from being suicidal themselves to suddenly absolutely never thinking that thought ever again because they saw what that did to their family.
SPEAKER_02So that's a great you know what I mean like the first time it happened uh I was in eighth grade and uh a family member that I wasn't extremely close to I knew them and interacted with them but they took their own life and I of course didn't want to see somebody go through that but I had to watch like the suffering of my mother and other people that I genuinely you know I used to say I would die for them but the reality is I live for them right exactly and so that was a quote from a movie I can't remember what it was though. Was it really in theaters this may no uh just trying to get that uh shameless plug I don't even know when that movie comes out but that was one of the things that also helped reiterate or even maybe could have been as early where that pact was created right of like hey we're not gonna do this to each other and we're not gonna do this to the people that we love. And maybe there are things that happen I mean the amount of people that I've lost just in that scenario is unfortunate but I've lost a lot of people to I mean the you know the one I talk about often because I just do really fucked you up i it was a freight train that like literally hit me uh and some reason I survived it which is I used to genuinely I was like mad about it I was like this is bullshit but I navigated it better than I think younger me could have and anyway um it changed my life in for the better but you you know that's the thing is like I wear this ring on my pinky that um it's essentially um um memento mori and on the inside of the ring it says you could leave life right now and for me that's always been a reminder of hey for whatever reason you're still here hey when your time's done it's done and if you can do anything just keep moving forward right right just keep swimming just keep just chew chew right I I love uh the scene in um is it Mr.
SPEAKER_00Pain oh I don't know the the the movie it came out when we were like kids um oh I know what the fuck you're talking about uh the way Major Pain chew and he does that whole story and he's got the like uh the gold tooth and he's just yeah yeah yeah yeah I hear that in my head sometimes and it makes me laugh and then keeps me going you know yeah major pain was a great one just one more laugh man uh speaking of death man uh I feel like every time I get on fucking Facebook I find out somebody that we knew or went to high school with or school with in general like just somebody we grew up with is fucking dead and I'm like I don't fucking want to get on Facebook anymore. What the fuck? What do you mean? And then like the other day I got on for like two seconds and I saw one of my friends posted like happy birthday so and so from your you know something about heaven and I was like what the fuck she's she died when the fuck did she die? Because I've been so MIA from Facebook for so long like when did this person even fucking what happened you know like fucking and I think that's another weird thing is like when we do lose people especially as young as we are we want a fucking answer. We want to know why why did they die?
SPEAKER_02What happened is that morbid of us and is it is it in uh inconsiderate for us to ask that question there's a taboo with death there's there's a weird I mean think about the car accident scenario right people slow down to look at the car accident and no matter how horrifying it is or how whatever you know grotesque it might be people can't look away from it and a part of it is it's something that we if you asked anybody and they s and they were genuinely serious because think about our programming right we we are built to last right and we're supposed to survive that's that's the the genetic programming but we're very curious about death and if you ask people hey do you want to die they would say no but there's a part of you that wants to know and the only way you get to find out is by doing it. That's the only way yeah I don't know I don't really take the time to contemplate it but I don't know how I feel about the stories that pop up in media where you know I died for five minutes on the table and I came back this is what I saw I don't until you're dead dead and you don't come back I don't think you I don't know that you went somewhere.
SPEAKER_00Now I really got into uh for probably a two or three year period where all I did like every morning was listen to people under hypnosis talk about like their past life like basically the they regress them to like their last life and they take them through the death process and then they report back what they experienced on the other side.
SPEAKER_02Was this like a podcast?
SPEAKER_00Uh no this was a well first uh first person I found was Dolores Cannon and she's written like dozens of books based on her case studies of people under hypnosis and the things they say and then uh there is another book called Journey of Souls which is actually for free on YouTube. I'll send it to you if you're interested um and he was the same way he was a he was a um hypnotherapist he's just normal hypnotherapist helping people quit smoking and whatnot and he kept having people request past life regression he's like I don't fucking do that weirdo shit you know blah blah blah and but eventually people broke him down and he's like all right fuck it and he fucking did one and he became so enthralled with what was reported that he started doing it and he started writing it like a case study about it and this is a book based on his case study of like regressing hundreds of people and the fact that everybody from all around the world all report back the exact same fucking experience to me that's the holy fucking grail. So like that paired with some of my own personal psychedelic experiences and meditation experiences I feel pretty fucking confident that I know what it's like on the other side at least to a degree that I don't fear it in any way shape or form. I'll be ready.
SPEAKER_02Yeah I I'm not scared of it anymore I think this the selfish part of me that's like I want more time with so and so and I want more time you know I I've been a lot more honest of there are things uh I'm gonna do this thing.
SPEAKER_00No you're not what do you there's literally not enough well light hours in this light for me to do all the things I want to do.
SPEAKER_02The thing that I'm accepting is that the things that I really want to do, I do it. And it's made it very difficult to work jobs. It's made it very difficult to do anything other than live. And so one thing I love about personal training is I feel like I'm living I'm doing a job I'm providing a service I I want to do my best but I'm experiencing people which is really important to me and I'm in a space that I absolutely love being in I mean almost any gym is just my second home I'm comfortable there and do I want to know exactly what happens no I like to have a little bit of mystery behind it. Maybe also keep me around right but okay like here's a question. So you you listen to a book and you listen to to these sessions if you will and have you ever considered or will you ever consider going through uh a past life regression yourself?
SPEAKER_00I have made it a personal pact with myself to figure it out on my own through meditation.
SPEAKER_02Nice which is more than doable I assume.
SPEAKER_00Yeah have you ever oh man there was actually so it's funny um I always said because Dolores Cannon she's passed away now uh but she used to uh hold classes to teach hypnotherapists her method and how to get people in this state and I always said if I ever did do it I would only get it done by somebody who learned through her and I actually met a dude at um one of the holistic fairs I go to uh and he had pictures with her and I was like holy shit you met fucking Dolores Cannon and we started talking and he's like yeah I you know I went to her classes and learned and blah blah and I was like oh shit you know and I got his card and I came home and I was thinking about it and I was like you know it's like there's only one fucking life that I want to really know about like there's one thing I want to know about and then it was funny because that same night while I was meditating this little voice comes in it's like you really want to know and I was like fuck yeah let's go let's do it I don't care let's go and yeah um I uh I can't think of the name of it you probably know what I'm talking about it's like an egg-shaped container you go to a place it's full of water oh yeah um Fort Worth Float Company uh Joe Rogan does it uh hyper something chamber it'll come to us okay so base basically what we're talking about and everyone's probably screaming in their cars going it's called that yeah I know it's called that um you float in water and you're in complete darkness and silence and I would I would give anything to have one of those things I'm terrified of doing it I found a place and I was like okay Fort Worth float company or somewhere else?
SPEAKER_02This was a couple of years ago uh and I obviously went the other direction because I never did it but I found how much where it was it was in Fort Worth.
SPEAKER_00I hate how expensive it is I don't even remember what it's been so it's like a hundred bucks for like 30 minutes to an hour or something like that.
SPEAKER_02Because the thing that freaks me out is that they say it's impossible. Like you'll get bored and whatever but you'll maybe try to fall asleep. One I can't wrap around I can't wrap it in my head of I'm just gonna float there.
SPEAKER_00I've never been able to really float maybe because I don't because of the salt you don't have to try. Like I've trust me I've tried in the pool over here I've tried I was like oh yeah this will be great meditation and I try and just float and meditate and it don't fucking work because your breath right when you let your breath out you sink and when you let your breath in you float up so you constantly have this constant water level changing and it makes it really fucking hard to like forget your body and like get into that state of being it's sort of like sex in the showers a romantic idea it doesn't fucking work. But for the the pods that we're talking about uh it's different because it's salt water it's so full of salt that it makes you buoyant so you don't have to try it's full yeah the other thing like you cannot drown it to ears being underwater.
SPEAKER_02You don't like your ear I love my ears being underwater I hate well the water goes in there and then it doesn't come out.
SPEAKER_00Do you get ear infections?
SPEAKER_02Uh no okay so I guess it eventually comes out I remember one time it was so bad I was so waterlogged it was it was I could like shake my head this that and the other blah blah blah and one day I was I I I just accepted I was like I'm never gonna hear out of my right ear again here we go and I was like laying in bed one night and it just kind of came out of my ear.
SPEAKER_00Yeah just drained out I was like it was like five six days and anyway but I could probably wear I don't know if if I had an experience like that I would at least have to try it who cares I don't think that you would uh like maybe after your session it would bother you but I don't think during your session it would bother you because the whole thing is like soundproof. So like one of the things about having your ears underwater say if you're floating in the pool is that you can hear the muffled sounds outside but you're not going to hear anything. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02I might have to go do it. I I've heard or read things where they're laying in this water in this little tube and colors start flashing and they I I mean because the reality is you could fall asleep you could but I don't think you're just gonna be sleeping like you would in your bed Everybody's different. Yeah have you slept on a waterbed? No oh man I've only done it a few times in my life but I remember every single time because the body's like dude I don't know what the I don't know I don't like this man. Someone told me that it happens to people that sleep on boats.
SPEAKER_00Yeah actually we just watched uh the new Roadhouse movie and they referenced that because he sleeps on a houseboat yeah yeah yeah I watched it too did you like it?
SPEAKER_02That's fine.
SPEAKER_00Jake Gyllenhaal was like jacked he was I just I liked his character. Yeah and I liked how they didn't try and like replicate the exact movie.
SPEAKER_02No but it stayed true to the concept. Yeah and um it was it was just no it was good. But I I've always been a fan of Jake Gyllenhaal you you know like you mentioned Donnie Darko when I was younger and oh man this is what freaked me out I always end up on IMDb while I'm watching a movie Connor McGregor is the exact same age as us. He's 35 yeah isn't that fucking weird I mean I guess I never thought it I for some reason I he looks like 45 to me no I definitely thought he was like Jake Jellenhall's age or maybe older yeah but he's only 35.
SPEAKER_00He's only 35. He's also been punched in the face a lot I guess and he has a lot of money money he'll wear you out you know so talking about physique in your personal training I was pretty impressed I've never seen a man with an hourglass figure and Connor McGregor has a hourglass figure. Like I was like wow I've just never seen that before it's interesting.
SPEAKER_02I mean he's got decades decades of training. Yeah it's it's also interesting too because what will happen with men and women clients is they'll be like I want to look like that person. Well your physiology isn't the same so it's so it's because you're like hey I want you to get to whatever that is for you for you and it's always funny because you know I'm five seven so I'll have people that are five five five seven they're like my height and they'll be like I want to be like this person I'm like that person's six four that's not gonna happen like there there's nothing you can do about that. Yeah um but I was like what you can do is get to the best version of yourself and I guarantee you'll feel the way you think about that picture. Because I've gotten down below 10% body fat before and it it's a it's a crucible because you have to like figure your body out but what's really interesting is that you get to a certain level and like you'll look at yourself and be like oh my oh my God but you also have to want that. If you're you you know I I wouldn't ever tell anybody that your goal should be get below 10% body fat. Yeah um but like finding a healthy space where you're utilizing your muscle because I I enjoy talking about the gym because I that's what you know the most it's what I it's your passion. It's my passion and I avoided it for so long because I I also grew up around people that um they didn't know anything about it and they weren't interested in it. And instead of like trying to explore and talk to me about it they talked very negatively and you know whatever. But it was again it there's a lot of gratitude because it all it's done now that I'm older is reiterate how important it was to me. It didn't matter who it was I I might not feel great about it but I kept going and um people will be like oh my gosh like you lifted how much weight and I'll be like I know right isn't that crazy because I I look like I exercise but I don't look like a person that's gonna like push certain levels of weight like the one thing that I'm very proud of because I've been able to do it several times now I think I've done it seven or eight times is I've picked up 120 pound dumbbells for flat um dumbbell chest press and the most I've done was like five reps in a set and then the the least amount was like two and that is an extremely difficult thing for my body to do and the size of my frame right and I'm not I'm natural I'm not a guy that one wants to pay for any whatever you know but I'm not gonna start injecting steroids so I can lift 120 pound dumbbells and I'm not trying to be a bodybuilder. But what's so funny is that one thing they talk about in I guess the the medicine world right like even if let's say we're talking holistically is that muscle is really an insurance so like let's say one day when you're older you get cancer, the amount of muscle you have will help someone kind of give you a rough idea of hey this is your capacity to deal with this.
SPEAKER_00If you get really really sick let's say you get pneumonia and you're I guess you have more weight to lose you have more for your body to consume.
SPEAKER_02Right. And so body fat and muscle right but it's also interesting too because we have to go to gyms because the world we live in is very sedentary. They want you to sit down they want you to lay down all the time don't don't use your body don't do that. It's a tool that allows you to create you know I'm pretty guilty. I mean we all are I'm I'm I'm just fortunate enough that the hyperactivity was enough for me to be like and then I ran with it but I fell in love with it you know and that's that's the thing is I've never I've never been like everyone can do it.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02You can do it but you're not gonna be able to do it like I do it and not in terms of like what things I've accomplished for myself but like this is my passion.
SPEAKER_01Right?
SPEAKER_02Like I would never pretend that I I don't want to be a bodybuilder. I don't want to be an Olympic athlete that is not for me and that's not what I mean when I say I love working out I love that time where I'm jamming out to music and I'm working on myself and I make progress and I just keep doing that. But I mean what's so funny about let's say exercise right and working out for me that's my passion. Like that's my hobby. That's what I want to do I think about it often and I have to sometimes force myself to have a good rest day so that I can have the kind of gym session I want, right? It was right under my nose this whole time. And there was a really long time that I was like I don't have any hobbies. I don't really have anything I'm passionate about.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I look at myself now and I'm like you silly Billy you know I want to call myself an idiot but you know there's no need to be trying to be kinder to yourself.
SPEAKER_00That's another that's another Part of working on yourself is slowly but surely learning to turn that negative voice that you always speak to yourself with more positive.
SPEAKER_02Man, that voice has gotten a lot quieter.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02There's sometimes I get I get a lucky little glimpse where someone hasn't seen me in a while, and they're like, dang man, you seem you seem to be doing really good. Like, what's going on? I'm like, I'm just living now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm not dragging around 20 years of bullshit that I collected for no reason and dragged it with me. Right. Um life is good. Even when it's not. You just eat it up.
SPEAKER_00Yep. You know, life is hard and it's just it is what it is. Don't fancy yourself a bitch. Fucking run the storm, you know. Power through.
SPEAKER_02It's interesting when you say that. What it makes me think of is um there are things that I've gone through and then talked about it with people that went through it simultaneously. And in their head, they're like, Thank God you were there. I'm like, thank god I was there. I was like, I was freaking the fuck out. Like I I didn't think, you know, I didn't think we were gonna make it, or I didn't know what was gonna, I didn't know what I was doing. I just blacked out. I don't even and they're like, what? And I'm like, yeah, dude, I wasn't I thought you were saving me. I wasn't saving you. You know what I mean? And so it's so strange because sometimes you do think you're the bitch and the whole time you weren't. But I also think it's a mindset, you gotta you gotta be willing to like you know, gotta let that dog out.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I also think that uh when it comes to navigating life and working on yourself is like don't sweat the small shit. You know, like if you stub your toe, don't fucking motherfucking shit, you know, like just okay, all right. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Don't agree with that, I'm gonna move on. And then yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like uh here's a small example the other day. I had to get my I have this big box of um Prismacolor uh colored pencils, and I got them out of this drawer and had them on, I had I had it with one hand, and of course I had the thought to myself, you're gonna fucking drop this shit. And I was like, no, I was like, I got a fucking good hold of it, you know. I got this seconds later, just poured all over the floor, the whole box.
SPEAKER_02How many pencils were in there?
SPEAKER_00I don't even know, man.
SPEAKER_02A lot.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like 150. Oh my and I didn't cuss, I didn't complain, not even in my head. I just got down and started picking them up. You know, and I think that's a good way of like looking at at least the small challenges in life is just fucking what's what's the point of complaining? What good is it gonna do you? It's not gonna do you any good, it's not gonna do anyone around you any good. Just fucking don't cry over spilt m spilt milk. That's the old thing people used to say.
SPEAKER_02Isn't there some kind of phrasing like being angry only burns you and being angry at someone or something, all you're doing is lighting yourself on fire.
SPEAKER_00Right. That's the thing, is some people get really, really complacent in their anger, and we both know that because we've both been there. We've both been places in our life where we were like, nope, anger is my friend. Don't take it from me. Don't even try and take it from me. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02It was wild.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02There was a weird phase at the gym where I had so much fuel. I mean, I was a lot of anger.
SPEAKER_00And um do you think it's harder to work out now that you have no anger fuel?
SPEAKER_02The answer is no, because I've I've pivoted. But um there was an excitement when you would when you were like just you know, bad breakup, someone died. I mean, literally when when I when my close friend passed away for no fucking reason, just went to sleep and was gone. Um when I got the news, it was like being hit by a freight train because you know the whole nine yards, right? But the way I dealt with it is I went to the gym. And I mean, I I he he loved going to the gym too. We worked out a lot together, and you know, selfishly I'm sad to see that go. But um I did, I processed it by I mean, I had f so much fuel and I used it, and workouts can be really exciting, you know, after like a bad breakup, after a really bad argument, after death, after just being really angry at the world, like you can do some crazy shit, but it's mostly because you don't have like a I don't think you have enough concern for your well-being.
SPEAKER_00When you're really angry I was gonna say, you're basically punishing yourself.
SPEAKER_02When you're really you're hurting yourself. Yeah, when you're really angry, you're like, I don't care if I die.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02And there's a difference of being like, I don't I I there's a difference between me, like, I've accepted the truth that we are born and our body is born and then we die. Those are like the two for sure. Okay, I the way I got here is I was born, and the way I'm gonna leave is I'm my body's gonna die. And having peace in that versus I don't give a shit if I die. Who cares? What's the worst that could happen? It's like okay, well, dying doesn't have to be a good or bad thing, it can just be what it is. It can be a neutral, right? But dude, that's where I was. I was scorched earth, and I was the earth, I was scorching myself to ash, and it's strange to me to think that I survived at my own hand because um unfortunately there were definitely times where I was like, okay, well, I'm not I'm not gonna um kill myself. I won't I won't do that. I made up I made a a promise, it's something that's sacred to me, and I I will stand by that for the rest of my time here. But that didn't mean I couldn't let myself on fire, you know? Yeah, and uh it's so wild because it only made me stronger, which was this crazy thing.
SPEAKER_00All of our struggles make us stronger, yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know, um, but so now that I'm I'm on the other end of that, um it's a coping mechanism, it's a place for me to process emotional, even even some like sometimes I get really excited, like oh my gosh, I'm so oh this is so great, or that like nervous excitement, you know, a new job, whatever. I go to the gym and I'm able to process the internal externally. But I I I do rely on pre-workout and I do rely on, okay, hey, we're doing the work. We have, you know, there there's a reason behind this, there's a purpose, you know. I'm not just lifting for the sake to lift. I mean, I have reasonings behind it, um, and it helps to get high off of endorphins at the end. You know, there's a little carrot on the stick, but I can't just go in there and be like, I'm angry, I lift the weights. I have to go in there and be like, all right, dude, it's do the thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, but I it's more of a party now. Like I turn on, yeah. I really love Deftone, so I'll just I don't know what to listen to. I used to have to do that a lot. Yeah, I had to pick the right during the transition of like anger to just something. Yeah, I'd be like, oh this song, no, no, no. And I was trying to provoke like in no provoke feeling. Now it's just like, bro, turn on this, turn on some jams and just like we're living ways so much fun.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Uh as me personally, as I progress uh as a human being and on the spiritual path, uh I think I've made the mistake and maybe it's not a mistake, I don't know. Uh I feel like if I feel anger at all, then I'm not winning. That I'm not where I'm supposed to be if I allow myself to sit and dwell in anger for any amount of time. And I don't know if that's true or not. I think obviously anger is a human emotion. Emotions are something that we can't necessarily control, we just have to experience. And I think the main thing is to just not dwell on it, but also, and I'm glad I'm coming back around to this because we talked about it briefly earlier. I don't know how to let go. I want to let go desperately. I'll beg and plead and pray. Like, take it from me. I don't fucking want it. I'm letting it go. And then there it is the next day. I'm like, what the fuck? You know, like, do I need to do some bullshit fucking writing it down on a piece of paper and burning it in a fucking full moon? Like, what the fuck do I gotta fucking do to stop fucking thinking about this? I wanna let it go and I don't know how.
SPEAKER_02Is it a specific thing or a specific thing? No, just anything, man.
SPEAKER_00I'm anything. I'm hard. It's really hard for me to let shit go.
SPEAKER_02Anything?
SPEAKER_00No, I mean I have, but it's like, I guess so far with me, it just seems to be like a time thing. It'll come with time, but I can't seem to let go when I want to let go, because I want to let go immediately. I just want to like feel the feelings, let them run through me and be done, and I don't ever want to think of it ever again. But it keeps showing up and I keep giving it attention, and then I catch myself giving it attention, and then I'm like, nope, I'm done. I let it go, and I'm okay for a minute, and then it comes back in, and then it comes back in, and it comes back in, and I'm just like so frustrated with myself, and then I get angry with myself because I can't let it go.
SPEAKER_02Well, you gotta be careful playing with gasoline. I think for me, the the way that I originally was kind of taught how to try to get into meditation is you're sitting on a on the edge of a river, and as things like leaves and whatnot float past you, you're gonna observe it, right? The leaves are your thoughts, you're gonna observe the thought, and then once it passes, it's over. So I try to do that with emotions too. I wanna I want to feel them and I want to maybe understand them, but I do I'm allowed to feel anger. I don't have a problem with that. Um but if you know, let's say every time you drink alcohol, you get really angry and you and then you start smashing stuff, um, then you need to address, like, okay, well, you're there's a fuel that provokes the anger, right? So what you could do is stop drinking, and then you won't get angry while you're in that inhabited um inebriated state, right? And then with emotions, there'll be things that come up like, oh man, you remember in like fifth grade when so-and-so did so-and-so, and blah blah blah blah blah blah.
SPEAKER_00Thankfully I don't go that far back.
SPEAKER_02It's really hard to like picture I question some of the memories I have in high school, you know?
SPEAKER_00Really? Like if they're false or not?
SPEAKER_02Just like how well do I actually remember it?
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02So let's say there's like a time where it wasn't such a you know, we were all awkward and weird and whatever, and teen angst and blah blah blah. There's stuff that I'll remember in it. I mean, I the only way I can explain it is I was like cringe at it, like, oh man. I was like, my life, like, whoa God. And that would like bother me because it was like, dude, that's your story, that's just what it is. Like, you can be grateful for your time. You survived high school, like you'll be fine. But it's just funny to me because I'm not it's so long ago. There's so many things that happened happened that were so much more significant in my life than high schools. It formed parts of me. I mean, that's where I really started like working out, right? Um, but I think I also, when I struggle with what you're talking about, I just think like in 30 years when I'm 60, I'm gonna look at 30 and be like, child. Yeah, tiny little baby child. Like, you were you were 35, tiny, tiny itty bitty, eight-ounce little baby child.
SPEAKER_00You were not eight ounces when you were like I already look at 25-year-olds like they're infants, like you're full-grown infants.
SPEAKER_02I just try not to disrespect them because people did that to us.
SPEAKER_00I didn't do that, but that is what I'm thinking in my head. Yeah, because you're just like, oh it's cute.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Like I I talked to I I interviewed. I remember that. I rem I talked to people that are in college, and I'm like, enjoy it.
SPEAKER_00This is another thing that freaked me out, realizing I was thinking of something similar to that one day. And I was like, I'm am I even that much older than them? And then I was like, oh my god, I'm I'm a decade older than them. I'm 10 years older than them. What the f no wonder I'm looking at them like they're children.
SPEAKER_02Like a lot's happened to you in 10 years. A lot will happen to them. That's the thing I say. I always, well, hey, as a as an old man, I'm sorry, as a 35-year-old, uh do you have any advice? And I go, buckle up. Uh one girl asked me, she's like 21, 22, and she was like, you know, d do you like being in your 30s? And I was like, yes. I would never go back to my 20s. And and maybe that was just because how my 20s went, which mostly was my fault, or you know, whatever. But no, I being 30 has been freaking amazing. And they're like, Well, how do you feel about getting closer to 40? And I'm like, I'm ecstatic.
SPEAKER_00I mean, there's no point in getting upset about getting older. Time doesn't stop for anyone. Time to do it. It just keeps going. Time's not real. So that's a funny concept because something that I probably obsess with is time.
SPEAKER_02I do too.
SPEAKER_00But yet it doesn't exist.
SPEAKER_02I mean it exists in the in the sense that you have appointments and you show up on time or not on time.
SPEAKER_00But no, but like there's so much I want to do and I don't have the time for it.
SPEAKER_02You do.
unknownNo, I don't.
SPEAKER_02Because time's not real.
SPEAKER_00It is on this third-dimensional plane in which we exist.
SPEAKER_02This is true. But what if all these things you want to do?
SPEAKER_00You're I'll learn Spanish in the fourth dimension.
SPEAKER_02As a soul, as a frequency.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um you know, people get frustrated with me because I just go straight for that. Time's not real.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02They're like, okay, well, you know, but and I'm like, you're not wrong. And they're like, okay, well, then you are. And I'm like, I don't think I'm wrong either.
SPEAKER_00Like it's I don't think we're everything is a paradox.
SPEAKER_02I think I think you you did say something, and I and I know we're close to wrapping up, but this plane definitely has some kind of purpose of duality. Um if everything was just one-sided, there would be no chaos, and without chaos.
SPEAKER_00Well, there'd be no suffering, which means there would be no growth, which means there would be no point.
SPEAKER_02We'd be done.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Maybe. Um, but I did like what you said is that the the the third realm, the third dimension is the duality, right? And I just hope that I'm able to do enough for people that whenever I move on or come back or whatever the heck's going on, it's good. But but you know, the the thing is is that I thrived for so long on there was so much purpose and there's so much reason, and I have to make it up most of the time, or I think I did make it up most of the time. But you know, like you know, we've talked about one thing I I've always kind of known about myself is I'm a protector, and that never made sense because it was like, you know, for a long time I couldn't physically protect anybody, you know, but I could be kind to people in a in a space where like they didn't have kindness, and you can protect them from themselves for a little bit, right? Or at least give them some kind of relief or whatever. And letting go, a part of that is I have to accept that maybe there isn't a purpose that I understand. Like going through the Marines, like I thought it meant something, and then 10 years after being out, I'm like, oh, okay, well, maybe based off of what I think I see with hindsight 20 being 2020, is it developed certain things so that I had something to work through. You know?
SPEAKER_00Well, then uh it all just continues to go back to free will versus fate. You know, in that in that paradox.
SPEAKER_02And I think I think the free will part is how you choose to perceive what's happening.
SPEAKER_00Perhaps, because I do I mean when you witness so many amazing synchronicities and miracles happen about being in the right place at the right time, it's hard to imagine that it's all by luck and it's all by chance. And so uh it's hard for me. It okay, it gives me greater peace in my heart to believe that everything is fake, that everything is set forward, and we're just here to experience it. It brings it really stresses me out the idea of free will. Free will stresses me the fuck out. I don't fucking like it at all. I'd rather not.
SPEAKER_02Just well, when you say that tell me what to do.
SPEAKER_00I don't want to figure it out. I just want to be where I'm supposed to be and say what I'm supposed to say.
SPEAKER_02It's free will from that perspective, like you have to try to make the right or wrong choice.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02Because that's the thing that's terrifying to me. I don't think you can make the right or wrong choice.
SPEAKER_00And technically you can't.
SPEAKER_02Right. And so the only way I I try to pretend like I'm comprehending anything is that what I can do is I can either perceive it as a positive or a negative. And I mean if somebody I I try not to be like too graphic or anything because I don't want you to have to be like, this episode is explicit.
SPEAKER_00Uh I actually because we always cuss, so I always have to hit the explicit thing anyway.
SPEAKER_02Well, I don't want to like tr trigger people or whatever.
SPEAKER_00Um I mean, honestly, eventually, like I would like to really dive deep into controversial stuff subjects on here.
SPEAKER_02So and then you're gonna be like, hey buddy. Um so like if somebody walked up and like shot a dog in front of me.
SPEAKER_00Oh fuck, no.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00So murder.
SPEAKER_02Well, so the thing is, is like that was gonna happen, it happened. And then I have the choice to look at it as a positive or a negative, right? Well, for me, that's gonna be a very quick negative emotion that surfaces. I think for most people it would, right? Unless you're like I don't know, whatever. And what's interesting is in experiences where things are that intense and that crazy, it just unfolds. You don't think during those things, they happen.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02And like you said, you might go straight for murder, and then the next thing you know, you're dealing with the consequences of that.
SPEAKER_00Um tattooing in prison.
SPEAKER_02You do really well, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's one great thing about what I do.
SPEAKER_02Um the infinite currency tattoo, tattooing. Um but then looking back, you know, the positive or the negative perspective aspect of it would be okay, well, what did I take from that experience and how I acted, and where could I pivot, or what would I want to do better, or why did it affect me the way that it did, right? And and I think for most of us, the unconscious and even for some of us, conscious aspect of that is animals are unconditional. A dog doesn't love you because you feed it, a dog loves you because it's like, hey, yeah, like it. They're they're very innocent, innocence, yep, and this reality in this space is the duality has gotten so extreme, extreme. Um it's bad. But we're in a spiritual war, and that clicked for me probably around 2018. I started to go, wait a minute, you know, and then it just started to rev up, and I was like, Am I just really growing in awareness? Like all this was happening the whole time, but I things are just progressively revealing themselves in a very unapologetic way. It's like you're gonna look at it and then you're gonna experience it. You're gonna have to process this, and there's gonna be a lot of healing and death. I mean, I mean, life will still blossom, but death has to happen for there to be life, I think. I don't know, man.
SPEAKER_00It's all I mean uh good luck with the rest of your day. I I I agree with what you're saying, uh, to an extent that in order to create something new, we must tear down what once was. So I think that as we move forward into the future as a whole, as humanity, don't fear the breaking down of our systems. They need to be broken. We need a new way. This ain't fucking working. Everybody can see that. Left, right. It doesn't matter. Everybody can see this system that we are currently living under does not fucking work.
SPEAKER_02Are you talking from a global perspective?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, from a global perspective. This is not fucking working out, and so we need it need we need a new, and in order to get a new, these people are going to fight to the bitter end. So it is potentially going to be very messy and can be scary, but we just have to know that chaos is a part of the thing, and we need to learn, at least for me personally, I'm gonna try and celebrate every single crazy fucking thing that happens because I know it's getting us closer and closer to what we want, which is a new, a new world, a new way of being, a new system, a new something that works. Works better than what we currently have because absolutely none of our systems work. And they were built that way. They were built to crumble eventually. And we there should be no surprise to any of us that this is happening.
SPEAKER_02And that's why when the eclipse happens, it's going to be a portal into God knows where.
SPEAKER_00Oh man, people who knows them.
SPEAKER_02Black hole could open above the earth, suck us right in, and then poof.
SPEAKER_00I doubt it.
SPEAKER_02I doubt it too. Um It's too easy. Uh a boy can dream, right? Uh I've always wondered, you know, with the whole a meteor is gonna like Armageddon, right? The movie. A meteor is gonna hit the earth and we're all gonna die. It's like you have choices, right? Like you could party and then die, you could like hide in the shelter, you could, you know, whatever.
SPEAKER_00Well, and that's the thing is uh as we move forward to this future, uh, and we're going to see all of our systems crumble. Us good people, like, we need to fucking we need to get strong. We need to stop fretting over spilt milk. We need to fucking put on our fucking boots and get ready for the what you said, spiritual fucking war. Like, let's fucking go.
SPEAKER_02Well, we're already in it.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, we are already in it, but I'm saying, like, I got bruises.
SPEAKER_02I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00Be the backbone for the people you know who are just now waking up, who are like, oh my fucking god, do you say that shit? Should be like, yeah, I say and they're like, why are you not breaking out? Well, because this is not news to me.
SPEAKER_02No, and I and I agree. Like just being like, hey, like let them go through their thing, but just be like, hey, I've been be their rock. Yeah, I've been there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And like, do you want to talk about it? I mean, that's something that's really weird about having a bunch of people die in your life and starting to figure out your way through that. Is I mean, I'm 35 and I think I've seen a lot more death than I have life being brought in the world. But I've had a couple of instances where it was like, hey, you know, I'm 48 years old, and this is the first time I've ever experienced someone dying, and I don't know what to do. And I'm like, okay, dope. Like, I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it. Like, okay, well, one, are you okay, right? And then try to just help them navigate, but it's also coming from the place of like, I don't have the answer for you. I can just tell you what I went through, and then whatever speaks to you, run with that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And if you need to cry and need a hug, let me know. Like you know, blow your nose on my shirt, I guess. I don't care, whatever. Because I I mean, I've been in places where there were people who wanted to help, and I was like, I don't want your help.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, a lot of people don't.
SPEAKER_02Just let me die in this for a little while, you know?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, and some of the craziest times that I look back at in terms of grieving that felt like dying, is it really was just um shaping a new version of myself, which is so strange because you know, I wasn't the one that died. You you know, like so I went to Afghanistan, right? People were like, oh my god, that had to be so hard. And I was like, it was way harder for the people that were here doing their normal everyday life, going months without hearing from me, and they just had to assume if there was no news, it was good news. That's that would have been if if me and my brother switched places, I would have lost my mind. I probably would have been like, Well, I'm just gonna get a ticket and I'm gonna go out there, and I'm pretty sure they'll let me on.
SPEAKER_00Plus, because when you leave people to their imagination, it's never good.
SPEAKER_02And and I know that, you know. Yeah, and for me, I was pretty busy, so I didn't really I'd just be like, Man, I hope they're good and I missed them, you know.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02Um, that was the hardest part for me, is I just missed them. For them, like you were saying, the imagination and the television would say all sorts of kooky fun stuff. And I remember getting there and just being like, What? And they're like, Yeah, this is what's going on, this is what we're doing. And I went, The TV made it seem like it was so crazy. Yeah, it's still crazy. Um, that was probably one of the more significant things was coming back from that deployment and seeing the TV, and I knew in my bones I think it was the lies in my soul. I was like, it's all it's not 1000% lie, they're they're throwing little pieces of truth in there, sort of.
SPEAKER_00But I I was like, that's not I've always said you have to pay attention to what the news says once, because that's the truth. They repeat the lie 40 times in a row, but they'll tell you the truth one fucking time. Puppies are cute next week, huh? You better be paying attention. Pay attention to things you only hear them say once.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because it frustrates you.
SPEAKER_00But also I vote don't watch it at all.
SPEAKER_02It's it's kind of like turning on the radio.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I really like um we have a station called 101.1. It's um W Is it AM? No, it's uh FM. It's like WKXR or something like that, but it's classical music.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I really enjoy it, but I've even had times where I'm like, what if they're playing horrific frequencies underneath?
SPEAKER_00Oh man, don't we start it on Alexa's?
SPEAKER_02Oh well.
SPEAKER_00I'm very paranoid about my phone or any sort of device. Like Did you ever see that Kingsman movie?
SPEAKER_02It's been a while.
SPEAKER_00I remember liking they gave everybody free Wi-Fi. So they all had this chip in their phone, but then it like sent out a frequency, it made them all violent and kill each other.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that rings a bell.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I mean, it's possible I mean, have you heard the stuff that's coming out about red dye 40?
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. It's a crazy. And we were sucking it down like fucking milk.
SPEAKER_02I mean, Kool-Aid. Delicious. It was well, it was just red dye 40. I mean, they're like, here you go. Nutritious red dye 40.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so you know, talking about working on yourself, that's one thing that I kind of did want to touch on with you, is especially because you're I would assume a little bit of an expert about how to take care for your body. But caring for your body matters a lot with your mind. If like eating the wrong thing can really affect your mind. Go look up Red Dye Fucking 40 and see the effects that it fucking has on people. It's fucking crazy. And if just that one ingredient that is in almost fucking everything can do that, what the fuck else are we eating that can do all kinds of fucking shit? So like taking care of yourself as far as what you consume, not only with food, but media, music, everything, it all fucking matters when it comes to keeping your mind straight.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Um so I I work at a job and people realize that I eat basically the same thing every day for lunch. Um is it not every single day? Because some, you know, I'm human. Like some days I eat uh I like to joke and call it the Lord's Chicken, but it's Chick-fil-A.
SPEAKER_00Um you eat Chick-fil-a every day.
SPEAKER_02No, no, no, no. Uh that's like every once in a while I don't like want to eat what I eat every day. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00That's that's your indulgence.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I lie to myself. I mean, if you look at the ingredients in like a Chick-fil-A sandwich, you're like, it's a piece of chicken with some breading on it and a pickle. There's way more ingredients on the listing of the website. Um, and it's starting to like move around, and maybe that's just another distraction from the truth. But I do grass-fed beef. I usually do the 85-15 because I don't I didn't need it to be super duper lean. I just the 8515, and I do seven to eight ounces, which is about half a pound, and then I do about 130 grams of beans, uh, which uh a lot of like canned beans, it'll say that as like a serving size or roughly half a cup. And then I sprinkle cheese in moderation just a little bit so it'll melt on the top layer a little bit, and then I put raw onion on it, and they're like, dude, what are you doing? And I was like, I don't feel tired after I eat it. I get a bunch of protein and I get some carbs and some fats and I operate. I could probably put more cheese or like adding avocado would be perfect, but I I am like for a person who loves avocado, I do not do a good job.
SPEAKER_00Um probably eat an avocado every day.
SPEAKER_02You do?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, dude, it's so good. It's brain food. I mean, they do do you so people be like, how do you just eat avocado? One, I don't I don't mind the texture and I like the the kind of earthy whatever taste.
SPEAKER_00To me, it tastes like egg yolk. It's delicious.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that's dope. I love eggs. But but the thing is when I eat a whole avocado just by itself, maybe I sprinkle some salt or whatever. I my brain feels super human. And you would think I would eat one every single day, but I always end up buying them and they're like rock hard, and I can't I like slice my hand open trying to just cut it in half. Or um I get one the next day, it's just mush.
SPEAKER_00Mush. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And and I'll be like, oh god, this looks like it's molding. And I'm like, well, here we go. You know, and then I'll be.
SPEAKER_00That shit has to be green. I will cut anything that's not green off of that shit. I can't do it.
SPEAKER_02I I you know, I'd rather it be green, but I'm gonna go home and get an avocado. I I I like to buy like holy guacamole and just eat it.
SPEAKER_00Talk about a lot of ingredients.
SPEAKER_02I mean, it's got avocado in there, and I just eat it with a spoon. Yeah. And then I wonder why I throw up blood for six and a half hours. I'm just kidding. Um, but it is really interesting. Like my brother, he'll he could tell you for sure, like, oh man, Sam is like in a weird place. Hey, when's the last time you worked out? And I'd be like, I don't know, like it's been four days, and he'd be like, go to the gym.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I'll be like, oh well, and he's like, no, for real. Like, please, God, go to the gym. Like, right now, just go.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, well, I gotta, I'll handle it. Just leave. Just go to the gym. And then I come back and I'm like, man, I'm really glad I went. I feel really good. Everything's fine. And he's like, Thank God. Yeah. And like if I eat, like I'll I'll do it's a bad habit that I have, but I'll eat um I'll eat a pint of ice cream, specifically Penn and Jerry's, and super bad. It's like a bajillion grams of sugar.
SPEAKER_00I ate a pint last night, and I'm probably gonna eat a pint tonight.
SPEAKER_02Really?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh I don't normally do that.
SPEAKER_02That's full super rare. Full confession, I ate a pint last night of the milk and cookies. It was phenomenal. But then, you know, my body, it's like, oh god, like we have to process all this. It's so much sugar. And I don't eat a lot of sugar. Uh I try not to.
SPEAKER_00Unfortunately, you don't.
SPEAKER_02Well, once I start, I I'm like a Yeah, it's a drug. It's uh it's addictive. Oh, it is.
SPEAKER_00And like today, I was just so painful.
SPEAKER_02And this weird, uh, I want some sugar. Uh and I was like, don't do it, dude. Like I had coffee and I was like, no cream. Like, I'm just straight black coffee. I prefer it that way.
SPEAKER_00It's just a lot cleaner experience, but I don't think I would ever, just for me personally, cut myself off from sugar totally, but there have been times where I really weaned myself down so that I could still enjoy a little bit but not go overboard. But my candy bowl at work has really fucking fucked that shit up for me.
SPEAKER_02What kind of candy do you have in your candy bowl?
SPEAKER_00All kinds of candy. And because I don't eat lunch generally, if I break down and I have one fucking piece, I'm eating out of that fucking bowl all fucking day. And then what's even worse is sometimes I'll be like, no, fuck it, I'm fucking eating lunch today. And I still go for that fucking candy bowl. And I'm like, damn it.
SPEAKER_02I get really tired. It started happening when I was around 32, but I'll get really tired if I eat sugar sometimes.
SPEAKER_00Oh, really?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, my body's like, oh man, we're gonna just go to sleep now. And I'm like, what the fuck? When I was a kid, I mean, you remember I drank Mountain Dew and all that. Talk about dye, like the yellow dye and all that stuff.
SPEAKER_00I mean, Mountain Dew's banned in other countries.
SPEAKER_02Not for me, man. That was high octane, baby. Um I mean, I I had caffeine in it, but it also was just all that sugar. And I mean, I just yeah, I was like lightning. Um if I drank a Mountain Dew now, I'd probably vomit.
SPEAKER_00I don't like soda anymore.
SPEAKER_02I can't drink it. I like went so long without it. I I remember one time I was joking around, a buddy of mine like was I was like, God, I wish I could just take a sip of your Dr. Pepper. He's like, I'm not gonna let you do that. And he goes, Oh, hey, I got you. Like before he drank from it, he poured it into a shot glass. So I took a shot at like Dr. Pepper. This is like six years ago. Dude, I got the worst stomach ache of my life. I was like, oh my god, my body was just like, What have you done?
SPEAKER_00I can drink a soda on an empty stomach, and I'm fine. But if I try and drink it with any food, then it's yeah, definitely stomach ache.
SPEAKER_02And I don't I don't ever look back and go, uh, like I'll I'll laugh about it, but I don't oh nostalgia.
SPEAKER_00The amount of sodas we used to drink in one day. We drank like a whole 12 pack in one day.
SPEAKER_02I my parents, my mom did one thing for me with soda, and I remember like anytime I could get like two sodas, like talking before I got a job and nobody could supervise me. Yeah, uh, it was one soda a day. Yeah, I was like, all right, that's good. One soda, all right, and sip on it all day, you know, and just or sometimes you just down it and you're like, yeah, yeah, and you whatever. But then like when I worked at uh Baskin Robbins, man, I was like grinding. Oh yeah. Oh, dude, scooping ice cream and running around doing this crazy stuff, or you know, he he was a very wild boss to have, but I I have a certain level of respect for him and the role he played in my life.
SPEAKER_00Why was he wild?
SPEAKER_02Um, he was Taiwanese, and he was like, This is how it's gonna be. And you were like, dude, we're just working at an ice cream shop, and he was like crazy. He would like scream at you in the back because, like, why didn't you do it this way? And you would like tell him and then you just scream at you for like two hours.
SPEAKER_00It was like you didn't scoop it right or something.
SPEAKER_02I you know, it's been so long. It was just like the weirdest things, dude. Like, yeah, we had to roll icing in these bags, and like you'd have to put like a certain amount of drops of dye, and then you'd have to mix it, and then you would have to like roll it up, and it'd be like, Why'd you roll it up like that? And you'd be like, roll it uh, roll it up like what? And it'd be like, Well, this is how I taught you to do it, and you did it kind of like this. I'm like, that's not the same thing, and then you would get a two-hour lecture of how it wasn't the same thing. I think I think sometimes it was his personal life would pour into just I'm gonna scream at these teenagers. Uh, and then other times I think he just had a very this is how we're gonna do it. He did really well for himself, especially but anyway, so I downed Mountain Dew like a like a crack addict. It was insane. So much Mountain Dew. I don't know how I didn't end up with diabetes. Maybe I have diabetes, I don't know. Um I I mean I would know because I every time I get blood work, they're like, No, you're gonna live for a really long time. And I'm like, great. And they're like, sure, I guess. Good luck. And I'm like, oh, all right. Your blood pressure's phenomenal.
SPEAKER_00Great, yeah. Uh, but the point really is that it's hard to fucking eat well, especially in this land of indulgence, this land of milk and honey that we live in. And there's just temptation around every fucking corner. And after a hard day, you're like, and that's another thing. We're all worked so fucking hard and long. The last thing we want to fucking do when we get home is fucking spend two hours making a fucking nice dinner.
SPEAKER_02Uh, so what you do is you don't worry about making a nice dinner, you just make nutritional food all at once really fast, and then you just eat the same thing over now.
SPEAKER_00You talk about meal prepping. I yes because I don't like meal prepping because I'm weird about leftovers.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. If you don't like leftovers, it's a whoop sadoozy.
SPEAKER_00No, if it's been in the fridge for more than two to three days, I'm not touching it.
SPEAKER_02My my brother will be like, dude, um, how old is that? And I'll be like, I made it last Sunday. He's like, it's Sunday and then a couple of days, and I'm like, nah, you microwave it, it kills everything anyway, and just bing. But like, you know, obviously I'm I'm mindful of it, but uh I mean, I I've known like dudes who were like older men when I was in my mid-20s, right? Late late 20s, they would be like, oh dude, like you can cook something on a pot, leave it out overnight, and then just eat that sucker up in the morning, and you'd be like, What? They're like, Yeah, I ain't dead. And I'd be like, I mean, what you're saying kind of makes sense, but Danny's like that.
SPEAKER_00Danny will leave shit out for what do you think they did? What I feel like is an ungodly amount of time. I can't do it. But he also like he'll eat Wolf Bran kill chili out of the can without heating it up. I'm like, been there, done that. Yeah, well, you're a dude. I I feel like when you're a dude, there's just a lot less care about a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02Well, when you do it once, you go, Wow, that didn't kill me. I'm gonna try again.
SPEAKER_00Well, so uh the other day I ate a leftover cold out of the fridge without without heating it up, and I thought to myself, Danny would be so proud.
SPEAKER_02That's my girl. Uh I did that. Um I did that with uh so eventually you figure out like, okay, well, we're gonna be eating MREs all the time, which are not the worst thing, but they're not great. Uh and you find the ones you like and you eat them over and over, and you just get sick of it. It's not pleasure, it's I don't know if you're really hungry, some stuff gets really tasty.
SPEAKER_00You're like yeah, the hungrier you are, the better your food tastes.
SPEAKER_02This overly processed, unexpirable food that's in shapes like bread and jalapeno cheddar. You're like, is this cheese? Didn't say that. Um anyway, so uh I was like, all right, dude, well, what you do is is you go buy like a can of beans or buy like a can of ravioli or buy a can of wolf brand chili and you stuff it in your pack. So when you're like, I'd rather die than eat this MRE, you can be like, you know what? I got a can of wolf brand chili. And you have to hope to God it doesn't get like punctured and get all over your stuff. I've seen it happen. It never happened to me. At least I if it did, I blocked it out because maybe it did happen to me. But like you don't you you hope to God that you know a can of wolf brand chili doesn't explode in your pack and then everything's wolf brand flavored. But but you you know, I remember this kid who he was like a junior marine, and I'm like cracking open this can during a we were in a training operation, and so I'm like cracking open this can of like pork, no, it was just beans, it's pinto beans. And he was like, What are you doing? And I I didn't even have a can opener, so I'm just like slowly cracking it open and then like rip it open. And I look like uh you know, like the joke, the hobo eating a can of beans. I was like, bro, it's it's beans, like beans are really good for you. I was like, you know, maybe they're processed or whatever, but you're eating MRE, I'm getting a can of beans, like this is great, and it it grossed them out. And the same with wolf brand chili. A lot of people, if you don't like wolf bran chili, you think it's it's like dog food.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I'll eat it if I have to, but I would much prefer to make chili.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. What's weird about wolf brand chili is you can air quotes eat it, or you could just drink it out of the can.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's a little thick to drink, friend. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02If you have a will, there's a way. I'm just kidding. I I don't drink, I do not, I do not think people should drink wolf brand chili. Um, but it it's hard because it does affect everything, and that's the the thing that I had a lot of paranoia, developed a lot more paranoia, and every once in a while, like any normal human being have paranoia, these weird little thoughts that come in your head.
SPEAKER_00But my god, do you watch enough fucking documentaries, man?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's why I don't. But like, so you talked about Wi-Fi and stuff. There's so much bouncing around. Just I don't listen to the radio, but those frequencies are still bouncing around everywhere.
SPEAKER_00So this is the way I think about it, right? If you if you watch enough documentaries, like the the one that broke me was the one about there's I can't remember the name of it, but it was talking about there's like a chemical in clear plastics that are causing, you know, XYZ, blah blah blah. And I was just like, what the fuck? I can't fucking avoid clear fucking plastics, you know, like it's just not even fucking possible at this point. So I was like, you know what? That that was the documentary that broke me, and I was like, fuck it. I don't fucking care anymore. I'm just gonna do my best to be as healthy and as sustainable as I can be, but I'm not gonna fucking freak the fuck out over it. And then I now I have kind of a theory that like what you're talking about, we're talking about the food and how there's poison in a lot of it, and then uh fucking Wi-Fi signals, blah blah blah. The list goes on. Basically, the point is is it seems like they're trying to fucking tear down our health or kill us from every angle, right? So I fit think I've had a theory that it works sort of like black magic. It only works if you believe it does. Like, don't get me wrong, everything comes down to a paradox, everything comes back down to balance. If you eat fucking 20 Snickers a day, you're probably gonna end up with fucking diabetes. I don't care how much you enjoy it. You know what I mean? But like just balance your shit. It all comes back down to balance. So, like, if you ate like shit on Tuesday, then eat good for the next like two to three days, you know, and like balance that shit out and maybe start taking note of like, oh well, I actually was pretty depressed the next day after eating shit. You know, and then slowly but surely as you become more aware of how these things affect you, you'll learn what to avoid and what not to avoid. You know what I mean? I mean I was not hurt by eating my pint of ice cream last night, so I'm going to eat another pint tonight.
SPEAKER_02Well, and and for me, I I didn't I'm still not gonna do it every day.
SPEAKER_00This is a special thing.
SPEAKER_02Good well, so so like people will be like, oh, like I'll be like, Well, what did you eat? Like, because you're working out and you're trying to whatever, what did you eat? And they're like, Well, you're not gonna be happy. I'm I don't care what you ate, I just want to know what you ate so we can talk about it.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02And like with me, because it will frustrate people. Well, of course, because you know, you're so and so, you can eat a pineapple. Ice cream, it's not good for me.
SPEAKER_00No, it's not good for me. It's not good for it.
SPEAKER_02But I'm also I allow myself to do that. I mean, I've had times where I'm like, hey, on Sunday you can have a pint of ice cream, and I'm like, I'm good. And that was like a good sign, you know, because used to it'd be like, I'm gonna eat three gallons of ice cream every day, and then and like I could because my metabolism was so grotesque, but you know, it's interesting because I I agree with you that okay, so like we grew up around people that like um smoke cigarettes and stuff. There are people that live to be like over a hundred years old, and I think a part of it is I'm not saying their body wasn't weathered, but they also didn't look at it as like, oh, it's gonna give me cancer.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it's gonna every single time they lit up, they weren't thinking, oh, I'm fucking myself up right now. I'm getting cancer. All they're doing is focusing on the enjoyment of it. Uh I like to prove my point by talking about that show, My Strange Addictions, when like people would be addicted to all kinds of crazy fucking bullshit. Yeah. And like the the mind is the ultimate governing presence over the human body. The it's very important what you think about all the time.
SPEAKER_02Mind over matter.
SPEAKER_00Right. So 99% of the people in this show, whether they were bathing in bleach, eating pottery, uh fucking huffing gasoline. Well, no, that chick would have some health problems. But for the most part, they always take them to the doctor uh to give them a physical and see where their health is and if what if their habit has fucked them up in any way, shape, or form. And 99% of the time, they're in perfect fucking health. There are only two times I can think of that they weren't in perfect health. That was the woman who huffed gasoline and the woman who and she was a young girl, she was like 21 and she ate fucking deodorant.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that'll kill you, yeah. Those two swearing, it's pretty bad.
SPEAKER_00Those two had issues, but everybody else, because they're just so focused on the pleasure they're getting from doing this, they're not focused at all on what it could be doing to their body or anything like that, that it's not doing anything to their body. You know what I mean? This is just a theory that I've developed.
SPEAKER_02It's pretty wild.
SPEAKER_00Um at the same time, I buy all organic food. But that's me. That's my brain. I know my brain, every time I fucking eat a wolf can of wolf bran chili, my brain is like, mmm, girl, this shit is fucked up. You know, this is not good for me. You know what I mean? So I am causing damage because I'm thinking about it as I consume it.
SPEAKER_02I I've seen some incredible things, and I and I know that a lot of it is the mind, and that's why I think on a subconscious level for sure, we're all afraid of things like dementia. Because it's like, then what?
SPEAKER_00And it's like, well, I don't think we'll care. Well, you you're you're all we won't be thinking about it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's it's um it's horrible for your family. Also suicide, but then you start to wonder like maybe that was part of your last thing, right? Like that's the thing about death, is the people it affects are the ones that remain. And uh you have a choice, again, with perspective. That's the free will, I think, is your perspective, and you can either let it take you down a direction for the better or for the worse. Um I like that.
SPEAKER_00I agree with that. I'm gonna roll with that from now on.
SPEAKER_02Until it doesn't serve you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's the thing too. It's like part of letting go, is I've had to let go of things that served me really well, and then I held on to them out of stubbornness or spite or whatever.
SPEAKER_00Like anger.
SPEAKER_02Anger for sure. I mean, think about it, that's like your shield for so long, or it was really hard for me to put it down. You know, um there's just a lot of things that didn't serve me, and I just kept them around because I don't I was like because I I had learned enough that once you let go of things, it's even if you pick it back up again, it doesn't bad. You know, it's all flowing.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02Um Well, my friend, I think we've tiptoed through the tulips.
SPEAKER_00Well, I mean, I think the overall point of of us talking today was talking about taking care of yourself in a multitude of different ways.
SPEAKER_02And growing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Sometimes growing means not growing until you do grow.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02It's all a circle.
SPEAKER_00Just riding the wave. Well, thank you so much for being here with me on Third Eyes Wide once again. And Namaste, motherfuckers. We're out.